Southpaw Returns

The absence from the wardrobe was crucial. The rotation was flawed.

All ended today.

My black slacks were back in action after a two-month stint on the disabled list. This pair is a warrior and is the rock in the office outfit rotation. It was my first business attire purchase before my third internship in college four years ago.

Very few items have been with me in my short corporate career. My glasses and watch all were present for opening day of the full-time position. However the black slacks, black shoes and black belt combination have been together for four years. The two have never missed a week until two large holes sidelined the pants.

The slacks fell to the bottom of the laundry pile and I refused to address them, ashamed they had failed me and crushed that they couldn’t continue onto the next work week. Over that remarkable period we had been through interviews, rejections and funerals. These pants are my horse.

(Hate to barge in like this, but my legs are cramped from standing in line at Costco for 68 minutes to receive a flu shot. In March I spent four days on the deathbed due to the virus so this year I’m armed for the season. Unfortunately my company won’t honor this commendable action or reimburse me the $18 for it. So if I don’t get ill, which means I won't need recuperation time, who benefits from the flu vaccine, me or the company? A cheesy printed paper certificate of recognition would be sufficient for this Boy Scout.)

The repairs would be two simple stitches but I had no time to make a special trip to the dry cleaners. For six weeks I habitually forgot them on purpose because I didn’t want to waste the five minutes reviewing the problem areas with the tailor.

Moronically I hypothesized the rotation (the slated and approved daily work outfits) would continue uninterrupted. The slacks went to a four pant rotation but the problem was that all of them were kakis. The move automatically benched three dress shirts because they could only be worn with the blacks. Also the black belt was only worn once every two weeks with it’s assigned black shirt, kaki and black shoe combo.

With the shirts falling to an eight count and the kakis down to four, I constantly ran into problems around day nine because outfits tend to have the same look. (example: white shirt 1A is worn on Monday, but must be pushed back until day 10 to allow the co-workers downtime to forget about the outfit)

The black slacks are the rotation’s fifth starter and most importantly, the southpaw. These pants give everyone a different look which allows me to wear a shirt in consecutive weeks but with different pants, shoes and belt.

Carefully planned and balanced, the black slacks are back from the 60-day disabled list and have relieved my office dress rotation headache.